So apparently people are getting sick of blaming Canada. 

:P

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, and since I probably won't post for a while, I may as well say this: 

Happy New Year!

Also, camp Winnernerd, as we all know, has been suspended until further notice because: 

a) The poll between Camp Winnernerd and the Winnernerd Olympics was tied

and

b) I had a mini camp Winnernerd at my house over the summer with two friends and my brother (I just realized it, but it kind of was a mini camp-Winnernerd once you think about it) and we got really, really, REALLY wet. 

and

c) I was the first to get hit with a water balloon at the mini-camp Winnernerd :(

So I guess we're going to go through with camp Winnernerd, we'll just have to wait a bit. I was thinking May, maybe? I'd rather not wait till the actual summer, because then I'll get lazy again, like last time. I still like the idea of Winnernerd olympics- and sorry if I'm turning it down and you liked the idea- but when you think about, I'm not coordinated enough for any olympics. 

So yeah. 

GO WINNERNERD'S!!!!!!! (I'll make a banner and take a picture of it if it really comes down to that, but please don't make me.)

Blame Canada Featuring Robin Williams

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gc0JveFySB4&feature=related

Lyrics

Oh my G-d, they killed Kenny! (It's a South Park thing)

Times have changed; our kids are getting worse!

They won't obey their parents, they just want to fart and curse!

Should we blame the government, or society?

Or should we blame the images on TV?

NO!

Blame Canada!

Blama Canada!

Things changed then everything went wrong, then Canada came along!

Blame Canada!

Blama Canada!

We need to form a full assault! (Full assault!)

Don't blame yourself for your son Stan; he saw that darn cartoon, and now he's off to join this land!

And my boy Eric once, had my picture on his shelf

But now he keeps on telling me to go (GASP!) myself!

Blame Canada!

Blame Canada!

It seems everything's gone wrong

Since Canada came along!

Blame Canada!

Blame Canada!

They're not even a real country, anyway!

Hank could have been a doctor

Or a lawyer, rich and true.

Instead he burned up like a piggy,

On the Barbeque!

Should we blame the matches?

Should we blame the fire?

Or the doctors who allowed him to expire?

HECK NO!

Blame Canada!

Blame Canada!

With all their hockey hulabaloo,

And that b**** Anne Murray, too!

Blame Canada!

Blame Canada!

All I can say is Oy Gevolt!

It's Canada's fault!

EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blame Canada!

Blame Canada!

With all those beady little eyes!

And flapping heads so full of lies!

The smut we must stop

The trash we must bash

The Laughter and fun

Must all be undone

We must blame them and cause a fuss

Before somebody thinks of blaming us!

Sharing is Caring

Ok, so the other day in Science some of my friends and I finished our work really early so we decided to save the environment.
CO2 is releases when you exhale. It is also released, (in large amounts) when you drive a car. (Not including hybrids.) So isn't breathing and driving at the same time nearly doubling the problem? Uh, yyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.
Here's a picture of the slogan we wore that day to demonstrate and create awareness of the CO2 emissions being released into our air:

"Don't look, Tommy."

"Look at all that CO2!!!!!!!!"

Go to Onlyatia.com

why does HE get his own domain? I want a .com!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so........ weak............ and........... annoyed....................

schnabeltier88 (9:18:59 PM): in soviet russia, link clicks YOU !!
schnabeltier88 (9:19:17 PM): sry
schnabeltier88 (9:19:25 PM): russian reversal ftw
schnabeltier88 (9:19:39 PM): in S.R., russian reverses YOU !!
schnabeltier88 (9:19:42 PM): sry
AsparagusW (9:20:44 PM): its ok
schnabeltier88 (9:21:24 PM): it OKs YOU !!
schnabeltier88 (9:21:30 PM): it doesnt stop!!!!!!
schnabeltier88 (9:21:39 PM): help...me...
schnabeltier88 (9:21:45 PM): me helps YOU!!
schnabeltier88 (9:22:00 PM): so...many...italicized...!s...
schnabeltier88 (9:22:17 PM): in soviet russia, ! italicizes YOU!!
AsparagusW (9:22:44 PM): which was the one about russia and MC hammer?
schnabeltier88 (9:22:53 PM): in soviet russia, breath gasps for YOU!!
schnabeltier88 (9:22:55 PM): pant
schnabeltier88 (9:22:58 PM): ummm
schnabeltier88 (9:22:59 PM): of
schnabeltier88 (9:23:01 PM): oh*
schnabeltier88 (9:23:20 PM): in SR, this cant touch YOU!!
AsparagusW (9:23:30 PM): nice try
AsparagusW (9:23:32 PM): :P
schnabeltier88 (9:23:33 PM): thx
AsparagusW (9:23:39 PM): :p
schnabeltier88 (9:23:50 PM): gummy bear smiles at YOU!!
AsparagusW (9:23:58 PM): oh. my. gosh.
schnabeltier88 (9:24:18 PM): in soviet russia, harvey oh mys YOU!!
schnabeltier88 (9:24:22 PM):
AsparagusW (9:24:32 PM): UGH!
AsparagusW (9:24:36 PM): ARG!
schnabeltier88 (9:24:37 PM): roses are red, violets are blue
AsparagusW (9:24:39 PM): YOU!
schnabeltier88 (9:24:48 PM): in soviet russia, poem writes YOU!!
AsparagusW (9:24:49 PM): if you say you one more time...
AsparagusW (9:24:51 PM): !
schnabeltier88 (9:25:28 PM): in soviet russia, go has got to YOU!!
schnabeltier88 (9:25:53 PM): in soviet russia, it right backs YOU!!
schnabeltier88 (9:26:02 PM): (that means brb)
AsparagusW (9:26:02 PM): AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
schnabeltier88 (9:26:12 PM): but in soviet russia, brb means YOU!!

JUST GIVE HIM A FLIPPING RIDDLE, OKAY?!?!?!?

http://www.winnernerd.blogspot.com/_stupid_beer_on_the_wall_joke_i_keep_falling_for

Some of my friends have told me they're really jealous of my eyelashes because they're long and dark and blah blah blah. Well, after reading this they're not going to be so jealous anymore.
So I was talking to a friend of mine online, when out of nowhere my eye is in serious, "discomfort." I tell my friend, "brb," and half-blind make my way to the bathroom.
When I walk in, I find the light switch, turn it on, and look into the mirror......
At first, I didn't find anything visibly wrong. But then I examine it closer, and what do I find? ONE FORTH OF MY FREAKING EYELASHES BENT DOWNWARD INTO MY LEFT EYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It literally looked like hair STICKING TO MY FLIPPING EYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, fuming, I fix the problem and return to the computer. I tell my friend what happened, and that went a little bit like this.......................
AsparagusW: brb
AsparagusW: back
schnabeltier88: 89
AsparagusW: why do these things keep happening to me?
schnabeltier88: ?
AsparagusW: one forth of my eyelashes just bent downward into my left eye
AsparagusW: WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF THAT?!
schnabeltier88: ok...
AsparagusW: so i walk half blind into the bathroom and examine the problem and see dark lines STICKING TO MY FREAKING EYE
AsparagusW: UM, OW!
schnabeltier88: brb sry
AsparagusW: its ok
AsparagusW: hope i didnt jinx you.....
schnabeltier88: wooooow

The many sides of nerds

SO....... there's more than one type of nerd. Winnernerd's are obviously the best, but I guess there are others that are pretty ok too.

Nerd goes Cowboy

Nerd goes Nerd

Nerd goes Biker

Nerd goes Banker

Nerd goes ByeBye

Today at Lunch

Me: What do we do during Health? (It's not actually called health, but overall that's what it is.
Person A: We start a new project.
Me: Oooo, is there coloring involved?
Person A: Not yet.
Me: *Sulking* Is there writing involved?
Person A: Yes.
Me: CRAAAAAAAPPPPP!!!!!
Person A: *Bursts out laughing*
Me: *Also bursts out laughing*
Me: That came out more pessimistic than intended.

Just a happy story to make your day.



PS- My throat hurts.

I was walking down the hallway with my friend at school, and we were in kind of bad moods because we'd just taken a test. We have to carry around this stack of stuff to EVERY class at our school, and on top of that stack is usually a pencil case and a novel. My friend and I were talking, and then out of nowhere her book fell off the stack and hit the floor kind of hard. (It was a big novel) As soon as the book touched the floor, it SPLIT IN HALF!

I'm not sure how I ended up laughing so hard, but I fell into an alcove on the side of the hallway, literally leaning against a window on the ground and shaking I was laughing so hard.

It was funny.

A Play

I know I haven't had that much of a real post lately, so I should take care of that. Things have just been kind of hectic lately, with a break coming up and all......

Anyway, the other day I was watching a play at a high school with the rest of my class. The first act was the story of Adam and Eve, and the second act was of Noah and the Ark. We were about ten minutes into the hour long part two, when the the buses arrived to take us back to our school. One of the adults came onto the stage and gave us a summary of the play:

"Ok, so what happens next is there's a flood, and then one day the flood ends and everyone and all the animals leaves the boat. Here's one of the ending songs:"

And then we heard one of the last songs, of which I was laughing through most of, because I couldn't get over the irony of all of it. 

Could you please tell the author of onlyatia.blogspot.com that the words, "goo" and "doe" are more universally used than, "to" and "too"!!!!!!

GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I DO NOT SUPPORT OF THIS WHATSOEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

----------------------------->>>>>

Take a look at the bottom of the page.

I know it's pretty glittery and all, but I still thought it was kinda funny.

WARNING TO ALL OF THOSE THAT ARE SANE AND WANT TO STAY THAT WAY....... AND EVEN FOR THOSE WHOSE SHIP HAS ALREADY SAILED

Ok, so on onlyatia.blogspot.com and winnernerdatheart.blogspot.com there is a link. That link leads to a, "mystery prank," or something along those lines. (Mystery prank here)DON'T CLICK IT!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not going to tell you what it is, but I will tell you that I've fallen for it about 5 times.

Just don't click it, mmkay?

Mmkay.

by the way, if you do click it, here is an antidote to it: gitusd2it.com

What happens when I don't pay attention: Exhibit A

schnabeltier88 (4:59:16 PM): "WHY AREN'T THESE LINKS WORKING!?"-george w bush on blue text
schnabeltier88 (4:59:39 PM): lol
schnabeltier88 (4:59:42 PM): uncyc
schnabeltier88 (4:59:46 PM): of course
schnabeltier88 (4:59:48 PM): wait...
schnabeltier88 (4:59:52 PM): uhhh
schnabeltier88 (4:59:54 PM): there
schnabeltier88 (4:59:56 PM): :)
AsparagusW (5:00:21 PM): oh sry
AsparagusW (5:00:22 PM): lol
AsparagusW (5:12:54 PM): was that a real quote
schnabeltier88 (5:13:14 PM): no! lol
schnabeltier88 (5:13:15 PM): uncyc
schnabeltier88 (5:13:16 PM): !
AsparagusW (5:13:19 PM): lol
AsparagusW (5:13:21 PM): gotcha

Another post

Ok, so about a week ago I open the car door that leads to the middle-row and find this:

If you can't see what the picture is of, (which you probably can't; the lighting sucked. It was, after all, taken in a car without flash) there is at least one box of tissues on each seat. Here is a closeup of each:

Seat One:

Seat Two

Seat Three: (This seat had two packs of tissues, although you can only kind of see one.)

This was one of the last things I expected to see when I opened up the door to the family car, and I just had to put it on my blog.

Fun fact: One of my first thoughts when I saw this arrangement of hygiene-helpers was, "Wow, it sure is allergy season, isn't it? Now each seat comes with its' very own pack of tissues."

Sorry, I've been really busy lately, not much time for posting...

I think I'll be able to make a decent post Sunday, so I guess you'll have to wait a little bit longer...

Sorry, but thanks for being patient.

I O U

FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER WATCHED!!!!!!!!!! IT GETS FUNNIER EVERY FREAKING TIME!!!!!!!

click here to watch it!!!!

Things I found next to/ around a computer in my house

I found some markings made of this weird grey stuff/ smooth black and blue stuff on a thin, crinkly material..... it could be a sign of life from another lifeform on another planet. This could be huge.....

Or it's my daily log! It's almost everything I do, but on paper!

Too bad you can't see it....

Darn.

Don't you just hate it when you're eating in a room other than the kitchen and you're not allowed to eat outside of the kitchen and you're eating on a paper plate with a metal fork and since there's a wastebasket right next to you when you're done eating you can throw the paper plate out without your mom seeing but you have to sneak the fork back into the kitchen just to put it in the sink?
I do.

Wouldn't it be hilarious

Tell me about it.

So.....

So ar I'm sure you've already heard..... I'm running for President.
No, my true identity is not McCain or Obama.
Proof of this fact? I think I just spelled McCain wrong and, no offense to him, but I think Obama has ears that could probably make him airborn if the wind was strong enough.
So there.
I am a part of the dolphin party. Once I am president I will paint the White House Aqua as my first act of Presidency. The name of the Country will be changed to the United Nation of Winnernerds. Presidential Fitness testings at schools ranging from Elementary to High School will be demolished. Our flag will remain the same to remind us of how much some people had put at risk a few centuries ago for our freedom. And, most of all, ice-cream trucks will be required to roam through every side street every other day in designated states during the summer months BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LIVE ON A STREET WHERE THE ICE-CREAM TRUCKS DON'T GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In
Out
In
Out
Whew. Back to business.
Anyway, vote me.
Wow. Don't you just love chain letters? According to the most recent one I've opened, I am 40% Barbie.
That's useful.
That's right, suck it up people. Your future president is 40% Barbie.
60% Awesome
And 100% Winnerned.
Eat.
It.
Up.




NOTE: That is not an actual formula for Winnernerd.

So there's this dude on youtube called Nerimon and he has a video where he can't pause at all during the video and I guess it's really important to him because he got really angry at himself when he couldn't do it after about 54 seconds so I'm doing that same thing on this very post where I can't stop typing at all and so far I'm doing good but I'm seriously running out of ideas so this is getting extraordinarily hard and oh my gosh I don't think I can do this red blue orange green yellow oh man now I can't think of any colors uuuuuhhhmmmmmmmmmmm holy cow this is a lot harder than it looks at least my hands haven't cramped up yet this so far has taken about two minutes so you can see I really haven't paused yet you know what I thought I would have more off the top of my head than this but I guess not wow 

CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I PAUSED AFTER WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dogear; verb; Bending over and creasing a small part of the top corner of a page usually in a book or magazine to save your spot, mark a page with certain information on it, etc.

She had to dogear the page she was reading and close the book because the teacher didn't like it when his students read during a lecture.

THIS AIN'T COMPLAINING ABOUT SCHOOL DON'T SAY IT IS CUZ IT'S NOT

So I've got lots of homework today.

But that's okay!

Because I can't complain about school, and that's okay, too. 

How in the world did I get 2/3x=4 wrong?

Ok never mind. 

But anyway, this whole not complaining thing really isn't that bad.

Because I'm getting pretty good at it.

Uh-huh.

Yep. 

That's right!

Just like Wendy's.

That IS right. 

Yeah.

So now just go bask in my modest glory or something.

Because I've got homework.

That's super de-duperdy fun!

Aaahhh....... don't you just love the distributive property on a beautiful day?

I have a confession to make about my identity......... I AM ASPARAGUSW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

winnernerd: yo
AsparagusW: oh wonderful it's the nerd
winnernerd: that's right
winnernerd: im THE nerd
winnernerd: as in, the master of all things nerdy.
AsparagusW: wat do u want
winnernerd: nm. u?
AsparagusW: u kn wat u make no sense
winnernerd: blah blah blah....

FYI, I don't have an identity problem or anything like that.
I mean, come on, how can I have an identity problem when I was being somebody else too?

I really did take that picture below this post the other night after dinner. (I couldn't take it during dinner, and by all means, there were leftovers.) 

So yes. 

And it's not spinach, for anyone who thought it was.

Side dish, meet World. World, meet side dish.

I know.

Interview with Winnernerd Part Whatever

Interview Lady: So how have things been?

Winnernerd: Wonderful. And you?

Interview Lady: Great! I just got my masters in reporting.

Winnernerd: Really? What site did you order it off of; I want one too!

Interview Lady: Shut up.

Winnernerd: Why?

Interview Lady: Because I thought you were gonna be nice and you're not.

Winnernerd: What?

Interview Lady: I said, because I thought you were gonna be nice and you're not.

Winnernerd: What?

Interview Lady: I SAID, because I thought you were gonna be nice and you're not.

Winnernerd: What?

Interview Lady: I SAID BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA BE NICE AND YOU'RE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Winnernerd: Huh?

Interview Lady: BECAUSE YOU'RE A @$$&&@$% #$^#^  #$%^#$%^* #!##$%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Winnernerd: Oh.

Interview Lady: Ugh. Whatever, jerk.

Winnernerd: What?

Interview Lady at extreme Volume: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Winnernerd: Yeesh, do you want me to get you a pillow to hit or something?!?!?

Interview Lady: That is IT I have HAD IT with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Storms out of room.)

Winnernerd: (Props feet up on coffee table and opens up magazine) Ok. 

Heck no!

My........ my........ my......... instant...... messaging.............. icon............ is............. dead.......... WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM NOT YOUR MAID!

I was typing on this very laptop, which was set on the table in my living room. My mom walks in, looks at the disaster of a table, (it's really, really messy,) and looks at me. I brace myself for battle, and put on my most innocent, truthful, child-like face.

Mom: This table is a mess. I want it all gone; all cleaned up. What is all this stuff?

Me: (Smiling and acting cute) The balloons and stickers are mine. (They really are.)

Mom: I want it all gone!

This will be interesting....

Griffin and I ended up as partners for a Social Studies project today, don't ask me how. 

Of course this happens at the peak of our "War" and G-d knows how the presentation will blow over.....

To everybody but Griffin- Don't laugh when I end up freezing in front of the class during the presentation.

Griffin- Don't forget the poster-board. 

This WILL be interesting.

THERE'S A TIME WHEN WE ALL NEED TO FIGHT BACK: TRAUMATIZING ACTS BY GRIFFIN

For those have you been to griffinanderson.blogspot.com, there is a post called Traumatizing Acts by Winnernerd. Well, there comes a time when we all need to fight back. Now.

TRAUMATIZING ACTS BY GRIFFIN

1. He got upset when the restaurant undercooked his peppers.... and took them all off his pizza. "How dare they undercook my peppers!!!!!"
2. He got his head stuck on one of the rides at a fair.... while it was upside down.
3. He forgot his name during his math class. (Honors. Really.)
4. He..... uh..... lost a bet in which we both had to talk with English Accents and act very proper.
5. He was walking outside and then got hit by a sprinkler.
6. I think my little brother sprayed him with a hose. 

   7.He went down the slide on the play-structure in my backyard while soaking wet...... and kept sliding on the grass after the slide ended.

8. He once stored a waterballoon in his pocket and, naturally, it popped. While in his pocket.

More to be added. Keep checking.

It's that time again......

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not. ~Dr. Seuss

TODAY WAS ONE OF THE LONGEST DAYS OF MY LIFE.

Oh. My. Gawd.

Well, I can't really blame the teachers for that, since most of them put in an effort to keep us awake. But still! I don't like this new, "Renovation." Luckily, the first day is usually the longest day anyway. And that's overwith. 

Whew.

I know I haven't posted anything in a little while, but. . . I'm hungry. Plus, the nerves for the first day of school on Tuesday have kicked in, and I'm afraid I won't be able to post about anything that isn't about how nervous/excited I am about school.

So. . . Until Tuesday after 3:05 pm, I probably won't post anything.

TTYL

Why?

I tried brushing my long-furred cat a few days ago.

My friend and I sometimes call my cat, "The Devil." Why? Because my cat can be mean, that's why.

Well, she's almost a year and a half old, so she's still very young. While I was brushing her, she rolled onto her back, and started to swat at me. Then, when she got bored of this, she decided to pretend the brush was a cat toy. Or maybe she really thought it was a toy.....

Anyway, she starts to try and grab the toy and is continuously swatting at it, and I am extremely annoyed. All I wanted to do was brush her, and this is what I get? Fantastic. After a little bit of this continuous harmless backfire, I walk away and leave her to play with the curtains or something. Besides, I didn't want to stick around to see what would happen if she bit the wire-bristled brush.

Blogger keeps on messing up all my handmade indentations GR

Don't Make me Snap My Fingers in a Z Formation

I just want you to know that my tab button isn't working and I had to put spaces at the beginning of each paragraph all by myself for the past few posts.
I hope you're happy.


Z

I TOLD you not to make me go there! Yeesh. Cut me some slack, okay? I've had a rough enough day as it is with this tab button dilemma and everything so GOSH!

Or as Goofy would say, GARSH!

Yeah, I went there.

The unmovable object and the unstoppable force

During the conversation I began about below this very post, I somehow managed to amuse both Honeydew6692 and Joshli88 at the same time without even thinking about it twice. (Thank you, thank you.... by the way, Honeydew6692, once again...... feel better. Seriously. Just feel better already. Come on, you can do it.... UGH! Fine, be that way. Go ahead, cough or something. Neh.)
Anyway, Joshli88 was telling me about a class discussion he had during school about what would happen if the unstoppable force and the unmovable object collided. (If that's hard to imagine, think about what would happen if a tank ran into a minor hurricane.... Ya.) "And so," he concluded, "The most popular idea was that if the two collided the unstoppable force would become the unmovable object and the unmovable object would become the unstoppable force. Since they can't exist together, the would become one another."
"Since they can't exist together, they become one another...." I muttered. (I tend to do that a lot.)
Without knowing it, I was making a connection.
"Oh! Just like what happens in Freaky Friday!!!!"
Joshli88 immediately burst into laughter, and Honeydew6692 said that if she laughed she'd just end up coughing. (I TOLD YOU TO GET BETTER!!!!!!!!) I hate to admit this, but I didn't understand immediately what they were entertained by, like I should have.
It took me a few moments to register.

Walkie Talkies

Let's set the scene:
I was talking on teh phone with Honeydew6692 and Joshli88, which happen to be related by blood. (They have the same parents.) Honeydew6692 was/is sick, (this happened recently, and get well soon!) so instead of making her run around the house for orange juice and whatnot her father set up a walkie talkie system so she can ask a family member for something without having to do any work whatsoever. Since Honeydew6692 and Joshli88 live in the same house, they each had a walkie talkie in their laps while talking to me on the phone. The only difference was that one was in the basement and the other was not. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation, Joshli88 points out that, "Why is it that we are talking to each other on the phone despite the fact that we live in the same house, see each other all the time, and each have a walkie talkie tuned to the same channel in our laps?" 
TBS... Very funny

My Mother the Cook

My mom used to be a vegetarian, and now she's just really, really into health food and organic stuff. Instead of making regular hot dogs, she makes low-fat-low-sodium-chicken-dogs. Naturally. 

Now, those things are GROSS. After much complaining on my behalf, (and a little from my brothers') my mom decided to try getting regular kosher hot dogs for a change. (In addition to her chicken-dogs, of course.) Here's a not-so-quiet exchange that just happened between my brother and my mother. My mom was in the kitchen, and my brother was in the living room. So, naturally, they both found the need to scream instead of one joining the other. 

This was a pretty quick witted conversation, especially for an 8-year old and his mom.

Note: My mother's idea of a, "Regular hot dog," is a fake looking red hot dog that happens to be kosher, nasty, organically artificial, and possibly vegetarian.

 

Mom: "Son, do you want the chicken dogs or the regular hot dogs?"

Brother: "I'll have the chicken dogs!"

Mom: "Really? Because I got these really good all-beef kosher ho-"

Brother: "I'll have the really good all-beef kosher hot dogs!"

Yeah!

I just thought that was amusing at the time.

Chores

Where to begin where to begin. . . 

Alright, so, can you name one kid out there that enjoys doing chores? Probably not, because kids are kids and that's fact. A few years back, I had chores. I had to make my bed, clean my room, do my homework without complaining; usual kid stuff. But, back then I used to have an allowance. I forgot what it was, but I think it was something around $5 dollars a week, give or take a dollar. 

Well, anyway, after a while my mom stopped paying me an allowance but I still did my chores. After a few weeks of this injustice I complained, but that just got her annoyed with me. So, I stopped doing them.

A few years after my chore boycott I started babysitting my younger brother and sister. I'd get paid a few dollars an hour, and I was satisfied with that. 

Now, for someone who acts so much like a kid as myself, there's one ironic rule that I live with and have lived with for a very long time: I do not like kids. At all. So, babysitting is basically a never-ending game of let's test Winnernerd's patience. 

Knowing this, you can imagine my reaction when one day my mom came home after a day of errands and didn't pay me for babysitting. I believe the phrase she used was: "There's a difference between babysitting and staying home with your brother and sister while I run errands." Right, mom. Maybe I should stay home with the neighbors' kids, too, while they run errands. (Hypothetically, of course. My neighbors don't have kids.)

Wonderful

I just took a stupidity test on i-am-bored.com. It said I am 30% stupid. Now, now, I know what you're thinking. "Winnernerd, you IDIOT! How could you have gotten a 30%?!?!?" Well, the answer is rather simple, actually. 

I accidentally said that you put toast in the toaster. 

Simple mistake. 

Watch it

Click me!

I had to watch that video twice to figure out that humans don't actually do photosynthesis.

Unbelievable.  

Have you ever heard that there are 23 unknown flavors in one can/bottle of Dr. Pepper. (Not diet or any special flavor like cherry or something, just regular Dr. Pepper.) This site thinks they've found all 23 flavors of Dr. Pepper:  http://www.listafterlist.com/tabid/57/listid/9336/Food++Dining/23+Flavors+of+Dr+Pepper.aspx  I'm not sure if I really believe all of that, but I'll take it for now.

Email me at Winnernerd@aim.com (please) and tell me who you thought won the away message war and why.

BTW, did you know that the human characters on Animal Crossing can tan? My brothers' character started off kind of peachy and is now darker than cardboard.

i'm sorry for the post below me. . . It's probably the longest one in the history of the world. But, we felt it was necessary.

I am at war with Joshlii88 for the best away messages..... prepare yourself for a large amount of quick thinking and wit.

paragusW: ur winnernerd moment will be on the internet shortly

joshli88:

curses

: joshli88 is away.

Artificially flavored?  Oh yeah!  Well you're the raspberry essence of magnesium phosphate!

joshli88:

ha i stole an away msg idea from u

AsparagusW: !

---

Auto Response from joshli88:

Artificially flavored?  Oh yeah!  Well you're the raspberry essence of magnesium phosphate!

---

joshli88:

exdee

AsparagusW: this means war

joshli88:

a LOT of people wont get that tho...

joshli88:

war on

joshli88:

TAKE THIS!

joshli88:

Take my advice!
I don't use it anyway.

joshli88:

and this!

joshli88:

You have just recieved the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don't have computers, it is based on the honor system. So please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for your cooperation.

joshli88:

i win

joshli88:

u just got KOd

joshli88:

AsparagusW: check my status message (it said, "O i get it! It's like hour and river put together!")

joshli88:

o by harvey

joshli88:

WHY

AsparagusW: bwahahaha

joshli88:

oh yeah?

AsparagusW: uh oh

AsparagusW: i just realized this war may not go smoothly for me....

---

Auto Response from joshli88:

Bask in my modest glory

(credit for this one goes to this person:
winnernerd.blogspot.com)

---

joshli88:

at least i gave u credit

AsparagusW: BUT I WILL NOT GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT!

AsparagusW: true

AsparagusW: credit is good

joshli88:

and i didnt sat O I GET IT

joshli88:

u liar

AsparagusW: ?

AsparagusW: im lost

joshli88:

o i get it! it's like hour and river put together!

joshli88:

i didnt say all of that

AsparagusW: hmm

AsparagusW: o ur right

AsparagusW: u said o i kn that word!

joshli88:

!

joshli88:

u betcha

joshli88:

F

joshli88:

T

joshli88:

W

AsparagusW: er i got it wrong again

joshli88:

?

AsparagusW: well im leaving it at that for now

AsparagusW: i forgot to say like

AsparagusW: status (it said, "O I kn that word! (horario... it's Spanish.) its hour and river combined!)

joshli88:

dang u

joshli88:

TAKE THIS

joshli88:

The orange juice box said concentrate ... so I am ...nothing is happening...


!!!

joshli88:

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, please hold.

joshli88:

*lol*

AsparagusW: lol

joshli88:

u kn what...

joshli88:

or...

joshli88:

Tonights forecast; Dark, extended dark, with scattered light in the morning. In other news, the man who set off to walk around the world drowned today...

AsparagusW: ha lol

---

Auto Response from joshli88:

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, please hold.

---

joshli88:

It said 'Insert disk #3', but only two will fit.

joshli88:

lol

joshli88:

AsparagusW: lol 

joshli88:

joshli88:

The French students stole my away message.

OnlyAtIA.blogspot.com

joshli88:

im WINNING

AsparagusW: aha its not word for word at all but im getting ther

AsparagusW: status (it said, "I'm always prepared for anything..... OMG WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT!?!?!!")

joshli88:

Imagine, if you will, a world without hypothetical situations.

joshli88:

l0l

joshli88:

so u say the pic on the front and said I WANT TO B IN THAT MUCH PAIN!!!

actually my dad got it

joshli88:

saw* the pic

joshli88:

lol

AsparagusW: im lost

joshli88:

the popcorn?

AsparagusW: o right

joshli88:

w the dude screaming?

AsparagusW: llloolll

joshli88:

watch this:

joshli88:

If I am happy and I know it and my face will surely show it, then why do I still have to clap my hands? What? You don't trust my face?

AsparagusW: 

AsparagusW: lol

joshli88:

or the ultimate away ever, the one that will end this war once and for all:

joshli88:

I am away from my computer right now.

joshli88:

SO THERE

AsparagusW: check m status (it said, "I'm going to go sit on the virus touched-couch..... OMG!")

joshli88:

LOL

AsparagusW: phew that still cracks me up

AsparagusW: 

joshli88:

Ignorance killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

AsparagusW: ha lol

joshli88:

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems.

joshli88:

OMG

joshli88:

In the begining, there was Harvey.

joshli88:

!

AsparagusW: no matter where u go or where u r, there will always be a loner to comfort u

joshli88:

My computer is away from me right now.

joshli88:

If there was only two of us in a life raft, and one of us had to jump out so that the other could survive, I'd feel really bad about pushing you out of it.

-Nerimon
http://youtube.com/watch?v=EkjlLeekKnE

AsparagusW: ooo i have to admit that a good one

AsparagusW: which is why im using ut

AsparagusW: it**

joshli88:

duh

joshli88:

or...

joshli88:

you mised me: AIM better next time

joshli88:

Looking for a toad... A boy named Neville's lost one.

AsparagusW: hhmm

joshli88:

You wore that same outfit the day after yesterday....do not tell me NO...

AsparagusW: lol

AsparagusW: o wait a sec

AsparagusW: i have the greatest mysteries of life guy version and girl version

joshli88:

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

joshli88:

?

joshli88:

ooo

joshli88:

Hello!  Please press the key that corresponds to your personality:

- if you are obsessive compulsive, please press "1" repeatedly. 
- if you are co-dependent, please go find someone to press "2" for you.  
- if you suffer from multiple personality disorder, please press 
"3", "4", "5" and "6".  
- if you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what 
you want. Just leave this window open so we can trace the message.  
- if you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.  
- if you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer anyway.

joshli88:

If it doesn't fit, force it; If it breaks, it needed a replacement anyways.

AsparagusW: ha lol

joshli88:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Some away messages rhyme, and some don't.

joshli88:

omg lol:

joshli88:

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.  That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

AsparagusW: lool

joshli88:

1 4 u:

joshli88:

Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.

joshli88:

Help!Ican'tfindthespacebar!

AsparagusW: gee thanks

joshli88:

omg the spell check poem

joshli88:

Eye halve a spelling chequer  
It came with my pea sea  
It plainly marques four my revue  
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. 
 
Eye strike a key and type a word  
And weight four it two say  
Weather eye am wrong oar write  
It shows me strait a weigh. 
 
As soon as a mist ache is maid  
It nose bee fore two long  
And eye can put the error rite  
Its rare lea ever wrong. 
 
Eye have run this poem threw it  
I am shore your pleased two no  
Its letter perfect awl the weigh  
My chequer tolled me sew.

Special Thanks:

P.B.

joshli88:

joshli88:

I'm not really an away message, I just play one on TV!

AsparagusW: ha lol

joshli88:

Oh goodie, there's a lecture at MIT on the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. It's either at eight or at ten.

-Zelda, Sabrina the Teenage Witch

AsparagusW: u just have to read the poem aloud

joshli88:

?

joshli88:

thats no fun tho?

joshli88:

omg:

joshli88:

They say the away message chooses the wizard.

joshli88:

I'm never wrong. Once, I thought I was, but I was mistaken.

AsparagusW: yes but if it werent for that id be wondering right now what an oar has to do with eyesight

joshli88:

ic

joshli88:

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

joshli88:

ok u kn what thats enough i win the war deal with it

AsparagusW: NEVER!

joshli88:

i hearby declare myself the away msg king

joshli88:

and thebest part...

joshli88:

there is NOTHING U CAN DO ABOUT IT HAHAHAHA

AsparagusW: oh yeah

joshli88:

yeah

AsparagusW: u kn how magicians use one thing 2 distract the audience from the trick

joshli88:

yea...

AsparagusW: status (it said, "here it goes here it goes here it goes again, (part of a song by ok go,) o wait, y am i getting the feeling of deja vu?)

joshli88:

oh yeah?

joshli88:

check out the proper capitalization

joshli88:

checkmate

joshli88:

im gonna take my victory and go watch tv with it only im me for somethink uber important starting now k?  thx muchly

joshli88:

thing*

joshli88:

joshli88:

bbl

AsparagusW: ok

---

Auto Response from joshli88:

I'm always ready for anything.... OMG what the heck was that?!?!?

---

AsparagusW: 

AsparagusW: OMG

AsparagusW: GGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRR........

joshli88:

u didnt listen...

AsparagusW: BUT

joshli88:

haha LOLWPDAS

joshli88:

but but but but...

AsparagusW: BUT BUT BUT BUT

joshli88:

tactics, Winnernerd

AsparagusW: THATS NOT FAIR

joshli88:

so?

AsparagusW: o wait a second

joshli88:

the rules dont say i hav 2 b fair

joshli88:

?

joshli88:

im waiting...

AsparagusW: omg i have the best advantage ever

joshli88:

i disagree

joshli88:

i think that being me is the greatest adv ever

AsparagusW: i have a blog where i can put all my attacks on.... whereas u can only put stuff that happens at IA on ur blog.....

joshli88:

true...

AsparagusW: OMG BWAHAHAHAHA

AsparagusW: this is gonna be good....

joshli88:

BUT

joshli88:

your meangingless babble would make even less sense without my brilliance in between so you hav 2 post it all

joshli88:

B

joshli88:

I

joshli88:

M

joshli88:

M

joshli88:

GGG!

AsparagusW: ggrrrr

joshli88:

thats a cut and print

joshli88:

im gonna take my victory and go watch tv with it only im me for somethink uber important starting now k?  thx muchly

joshli88:

thing*, again

joshli88:

bbL

joshli88:

AsparagusW: ok

AsparagusW: 

joshli88:

hav fun humiliating urself on the www

AsparagusW: shockingly, after griffins post titled traumatizing acts by winnernerd im more prepared for humiliation than usual. so i think im good. u, on the other hand....

AsparagusW: u might have something to worry about

joshli88:

i on the other hand, have different fingers

joshli88:

i am so pwning u

joshli88:

now shush 4 a while so i can watch camp rock i still havnt seen it tho its been on my com 4ever

AsparagusW: gggrrrrr......

joshli88:

seven eighteen eighteen eighteen eighteen eighteen eighteen eighteen

joshli88:

19-8-21-19-8

joshli88:

AsparagusW: im not sure what u said but im getting the feeling it was something along the lines of shush

joshli88:

sehr gut

AsparagusW: im lost but ill stop talking now

joshli88:

deutsch: vry good

joshli88:

joshli88:

bbL

AsparagusW: ok

Go to onlyatia.blogspot.com